The middle of no time

Somewhere between slumber and being alert is that period when you know that you just do not want to get out of bed. Well whenever that occurred it was last night. There I lay with this absurd thought ricocheting around in my head. Something that I had read earlier and had now brought me to the edge of alert.

A response to someone's post was informing me (us) that the people he had met in Rome did not think as highly of the city as he and his fellow travelers did. Despite the fact that I was supposed to be slumbering peacefully, I could not escape this thread. It was snaking through my head and pestering my thought process. So now I am awake and damn if this wisp isn't still there.

Too ponderous, possibly too perverse a concept to be trying to deal with at five or six before coffee but it's on! I  am a "blue collar" traveler. What do I mean? Never in my life did I expect to see, visit, experience, do, enjoy or love as many places or people as has actually happened. Worker drones do not as a rule get so lucky. I have. I enjoy the ride to the airport. Anticipate the trip with wild and ecstatic glee for months in advance. Anticipate, detest and abhor the return flight. Cry in the taxi and turn reclusive on landing. Why?

Travel permits the mundane aspects of daily life to be put on hold. Sure you still need to pay the piper but you do it in advance and then forget it. Until the end of your trip you are living. A natural high...one I try to extend as long as humanly possible. Returning to your den means its over. The only solution is to start planning the next trek.

Now those that reside in those spectacular spots you are going too view it from a different slant. After all, to them its just the same old place they have always been, nothing special, just where they live and where they pay the bills.
Mundane. Regardless of our thoughts that is how they see it.

But...

Roma?

Mundane?

Sorry, can't swallow that thought. Nor do most of my amici in Roma.  Done! Perhaps a nap now.

Is it only me?

How is it I didn't cut myself? Razor in hand, I rapidly remove the few offending bristles and voila, done. How did I do that? Perhaps there was a vision in the mirror and I missed it, but there is no memory of seeing anything but water and whatever running down the drain. Perhaps I just described why self analyzation works so poorly, one doesn't even see himself...let alone clearly.


Those constantly belittling others are only trying to level the playing field.


Each and every night the routine continues...Syria, Liberia, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan...did I miss any? All those nations and more doing exactly as the NRA would have us do with the results already in. Incredible!


It isn't as if I would n't enjoy writing something beautiful, positive, joyful, but...what?


What was it I did to become invisible?
Oh, I got old, shame on me.


Sharing an experience is good. Learning good from it, the best!


Siblings day? So many days of remembrance that young people can't remember them all, let alone we "elders". Well at least we don't have to work those days...damned retirement! We lose again.


Because all politicians start off with the word I, their veracity is instantly at question. It isn't their common failure to live up to their promises. It is the simple fact that the office that they seek can not, by law, do what they either individually or collectively promise'
Ergo; he lies!


A flaw.
...a fence to be funded by the tax payer to keep out the riff raff. You know, those on the other side of the fence. This fence is to uphold the claims of those that stole the land from those on the other side way back when. Irony? They are coming anyway, but in electric carts through tunnels under that bright shiny fence! Once here, they to can pay taxes for the upkeep of that bright shiny fence!


The game of life? Do you know the odds of winning that game?


I'm halfway into my fourth generation. I walk slower, I eat less (lie), I take meds and I grump more. And now I am writing about it, don't ask, I don't remember!


Rude!
A group of hungry people are seated in  the restaurant, each tuned in to his own personal device...oh, so very important. So busy they can't be bothered to acknowledge the waitress and when they realize that their coffee is cold, majestically raise their hand for attention, the astonishment on their faces is a joy to behold. The waitress is texting someone on her device.


While the laundry tumbled, spun and dryed I stood pondering the many proper folding techniques for folding ones clean and dry clothing. By the the time the answer dawned on me I had already donned some of the newly fabrics. If you just take them out of the dryer as needed one need not even fold them! Miracle!
to be filed under; "procrastination saves time!"

...and the walls come tumbling down

Some photos showing the outcome of various " 5 year" plans after the walls came down

Cohesive...or incoherent?

With a seemingly endless supply of young economists graduating from college each year, why does the problem remain unsolved?


The definition of the word minority seems to differ depending on whether you look it up in the dictionary or read it from a court finding.

Has the term "these d----d computors" become the new "those peo-ple?"

ZPG is attainable! Simply put a solar powered cable TV in each and every household worldwide. Instant ZPG (zero population growth).

Why do so many of seek an eternal fantasy land to live in when the one currently reside in is so distorted and full fabrication to begin with?

I do NOT have to believe...the Constitution says so.

Earbuds allow today's children to listen to the most vile cacophony ever foisted on the public as music. With little, if any, attention from their parents.

The most important man in the Kingdom? The Jester, he made the King laugh by telling the truth.

I've always thought Moses was miscast in the Ten Commandments' I would have preferred Groucho Marx...at least he was Jewish!

Abraham Lincoln ran, won and was elected President as a Republican. What would he be now?
Un-electable.

Logic, according to Mom, says you require a clean towel every time you bathe. I would have thought a new bar of soap might be more appropriate!

Per Mr. Spock, in the end everything is logical...how then does he explain politics?

In 1865 the war ended with a decimated southern half of our country, a nominal winner and a triumphant winner, bigotry.

Suddenly I feel old. Now my Grand-children can vote.

Thinking is still free, still untaxed and remains legal. What truly will cost is to forego thought.

"Things are a bit cloudy" meaning you can't see clearly or understand clearly...thus explaining "the cloud" where dwells all knowledge amassed by man. Mostly unattainable!

Not only are we humans as a group gullible and delusional but also slow learners as well...very slow learners. Otherwise how can we continue to utter the words "the war to end all wars?"

PC seemingly killed our collective sense of humor. Once we laughed as someone stood in front of us jousting at the foibles of our humanity. Not now! Someone might be offended. Or, I guess the truth does hurt!

A Baker's Dozen

How is it that every women in Europe can manage to look stunning even while riding a bicycle and so many American women simply envelope the damn thing?

When people claim to think "less of you", count your blessings. After all you are the only that you must please.

How many continents are there? Nations? Cultures? Peoples?
...but somehow we are always right?
Please look up jingoism!

For all of you that believe this statement "everything is beautiful, in it's own way." Please turn on the news, now pay attention!

Equality ends at birth. Disbeliever? For poignant proof check out a classroom near you.

If Adam and Eve only had two sons...Lucy! Someone has some 'splainin to do!

Can Santa Claus get workman's comp if he slips on some of Rudolphs' "left-overs" and hurts himself?

Speaking of Santa, with all those raindeer pulling, how does he stop?

We get recipes from books that have been written in alphabetical form, while those done numerically are frequently "pre-cooked!"

Politics as usual...visualize this, a chicken after it has met the axe...politics as usual!

What looks more absurd than a two foot long grey mullet? Two of them on a trike!

A photograph is filtered by glass and a painting by your heart.

A reflection is a shadow in technicolor.

Logical progression...from 15 year old eyes

It was the winter of 1958 and the coolest dude on TV was kind of like Tonto on steroids. Pahoo! A knife throwing Indian with a sawed-off shotgun slung under his serape for back-up.

Here we see him with the star, Jock Mahoney as Yancy Derringer and Frances Bergen as Yancy's current girl friend. For a show that didn't see a second season there is much to say about this group.

Here goes... X Brands plays Pahoo the stalwart side-kick. A seldom speaking Pawnee Indian. He actually received a letter of commendation from the tribe on his authenticity...he was of German decent. Perfectly normal in Hollywood where Leonard Nemoy (Spock) started out as an Indian.

Jock Mahoney, the lead, had worked his way up from stuntman to star and after a successful run as the Range Rider was taking a second stab at Cowboy stardom. His character was an ex-confederate officer  making his living as a gambler and as a covert agent on the side...even then New Orleans had a bad rep. In the cast, as sort of maid in waiting was Mahoney's real wife, Margaret Field. As befits the name Derringer was heavily armed. Not sure if that to thwart all the weekly villains or to keep all the girl-friends aligned.

In the cast there was a previous companion that now was running his favorite watering hole. But, the girl of the moment was played by Frances Bergen both attractive and accomplished but perhaps better known as the wife of Edgar Bergen.

 Ok, I am going to attempt a chart...

We have an Indian sidekick that is really German

A girlfriend with two wooden step-children ( Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd) and a real live beautiful daughter ( Candice Bergen)

A girl friend in waiting...his real wife, that has a daughter named Sally.

The hero, not the sidekick plays a southern gentleman despite the fact that he himself is part Cherokee.

How can you beat that?

Let's try, one of the wooden stepsons seduces the Flying Nun and begat...

Enough?

No! 

Later, Sally joins up with a large cast to film the epic, Hooper!
A film based on the life of?????  Jock Mahoney!

This whole thing is stranger than fiction, but mostly true!

If only---

We have commenced the loons and lemmings season. All of the would be messiahs are busily inching their heads out from under their favorite rocks. Each insisting that he (she) can help us live our lives better, under his/her leadership , than we are currently doing without it.

All of you know who I am talking about, the saccharine saviors that surface every four years seeking to lead us to a bright new moral, patriotic and economically stable future. At this point we will divest ourselves of reality, simply because none of them start with clean houses themselves. From Trump to frump they scream of "the good fight", "moral indignation", "the cause", etc. Arrogant, power hungry petty despots seeking public admiration...and a buck or two along the way. Yetch!

Save me...no, save us from the saviors!

Does anyone have a clue just what an "ad hoc" committee is? Other than a clarion call for all these public feeders at the trough, that is. Has any one out there ever been asked their thoughts on these buffoons? I haven't. 

Now this is where I wish fiction was the true reality. Because we could jump into H.G. Wells' Time Machine and flip the dial to a day just after the election. Next, we would accumulate all the results and other pertinent information, ie costs, and return to the present. 

With this info on hand we fine each of the losers for the cost of each of his/her vanity trip plus triple damages for our collective pain, anguish and suffering. With this money in hand the national budget should balance with perhaps a little left over so the next generation might get edumacated!!!

My own wall

Barrett. Smith. Bordeaux. Knox. Baccari. Savageaux. Vokey. Miglionico. 

These are family ancestors, siblings and relatives that have worn the uniform of our nation. We all served. We all returned. We all are proud...this is our land, our nation and we love it. 

Yes, you are correct,  this is not a normal post from me. Members of  my family have been in the service of this nation for over a hundred years. Army, Navy and at least one under the Stars and Bars. I don't remember if my Mother joined the the Daughters of the Confederacy, but she was eligible as her Mother was a member.

So, yes I am proud. I am also proud of the fact that we as a family are very representative of the principles this nation stands for...we are "mutts!" Ancestry is diverse. And  all our ancestors immigrated here...their choice...papers? Didn't matter then and to me  and to our armed forces it still doesn't. Disbelieve? Go check the nearest monument. The proof will be "etched in stone!"

An old man's lament

Back in the "good old days" I could not envision being the "old fogey"! All of a sudden there it is...the oldest kid on the block is you! Don't look back, they may be gaining.

These "look back" pieces seem to be exercises in futility. Like tilting at windmills without a lance. Certainly much has changed over the years, but there remains one central question. Do you want to go back? One quick reaction is to think back on all the great, tender and heartwarming memories of the past and respond "Hell yes!" I differ, my preference is to try and look forward to new moments while still reflecting on past joys. A second chance for me would most likely mean duplicating past errors of judgement or perhaps worse.

No question there are memories from the past that I miss. Mostly they are centered around people that have come and gone from my life too quickly. 

In our mad scramble to grab "the brass ring" I wish some small vestiges of courtesy, civility and etiquette had remained alive. It's common enough to hear someone complaining of being 'dissed, much more strange that I would agree...much stranger!

Were I to say the name Emily Post to someone today, my expectation would be along these lines; "didn't she make cereal? Post toasties?" Wrong. She simply had a guide of how to show respect and how to get along with those around you. Little things we could all do to show our care, concern and respect to our fellow man. Nothing bizarre, just look someone in the eye when you talk to them. Respond, verbally. So many things that are prevalent in today's society are pure and simply rude. Pick up the phone and call. Send the required thank yous. Visit your elders. There's a natural progression on the last one. Sooner or later you will be the elder wondering what happened. Damn the devices...you may be, oh so important, but the person you are with is at least equally so. 

Not having time or forgetting is not an acceptable excuse because that thing you are carrying with you has all the memory you lack and is able to schedule your time to the second. 

Interpersonal communication skills are a "face to face" concept...not, fingers on a keyboard one. Disbelieve? Try dancing with someone on your "smart" phone. Come to think of it "texting' may be useful in lowering the birthrate, since multi-tasking may be lost.

Maybe it's only that we went from an "I Like Ike" slogan to the "me" generation without stopping to pause at "Go", that causes me to ponder this loss. However I sure consider it a loss and a sad one at that. Losing touch through natural events or causes is sad, but through neglect...tragic.

Chat now seems to mean the same as "let your fingers do the walking" and talk is simply another button to depress. What I really want is, "can you hear me now!"

Just because...

Everyone needs a cause. Something to rant and rail against. Something to spew venom at, a release from the everyday minutiae that takes over our lives. 

Mine?

Let's stop the senseless slaughter of the virgin vinyls! Show them some love, that we care. Just how many poor defenseless infant vinyls need to die in order to make just ONE sequin?
There are not enough zeros to display the number. It's so tragic. And, to create that little black number that every woman "must" have? How many sequins does that take?
Countless!

Take up the "cause"! Stop the slaughter! No more prom gowns!...or, matching accessories.

Save our vinyls! Take the sequin back to an earlier time, one where they truly mattered. When they were made from gold. Now that would make a real statement.

It ain't rocket science

Over sixty years ago the author, Isaac Asimov created a series of books depicting our world being taken over by robots. Not a new concept, George Orwell had conceived much the same in his novel 1984. 

Far from it. The fact is that long before these novels were written our nation was already under the control of a machine, the political one! We still are. The most obvious (read blatant) proof of that are the paid radio rabble-rousers whose sole aim is to pervade our minds with hatred and discontent. They have succeeded. Currently we have a right wing party and a left wing party, never the twain to meet. Compromise and intelligent action on any proposal is doomed to a fruitless demise. Whatever "speedy resolution" is supposed to mean, it can not conceivably be what we actually get. As each and every new proposal comes forth the nation grinds to a halt. Serious problems remain unsolved and resolutions are tossed to the side in the name of "fiscal responsibility"...moral cowardice a much more accurate term.

Over the past few days I have put up several postings from writers out of the past. Just to show how little our elected representatives are, will or have accomplished. Mark Twain was saying the same thing over 150 years ago! What improvement can you see? How is our lot better? what about our kids?

The United States has over 16,000 (sixteen thousand...no misprint) school authorities. How is that working for you?...or the kids? Why are our children being schooled and tested when our elected felons have no such task placed in front of them? Does anyone truly think this is the correct way to go? Perhaps if you compared previous grades you would notice just how poorly we stand against the rest ,of the world. Of course there is the chance that you simply don't have the time...then just why did you seek election?

Most of this is not arguable. We may not share the same side, but at this point neither side is doing what we pay them to do. That is, make our country work the way is should. Too bad if you need to back away from the feeding trough and actually work. Objection? Yes, but it's from us, we no longer think you matter.

And all the time "the machine" hums along, giving us more mediocrity to choose the next "elite" from. Big Brother, do you hear me?

Darwin with a Canadian Twist

This "Frankensteinian brain-child" will henceforth be referred to as "the Canadian Way", in honor of "the Last Canadian Standing." No names, no disclaimers and , hopefully no law suits. His very words to me (on publishing) were, "as long as its in good taste" left me with only  a " tongue in cheek" approach to the subject. He also mentioned that it was something he had heard a long time ago...word of mouth. Having never heard this concept of evolution before, I felt compelled to advance his theory.

In order to do this and pass the legion of decency standards thought and your imagination will be required.

OK class, today's lesson. This theory, as expostulated puts an entirely new slant on evolution. One that I doubt will ever hit the class-room. Assuredly not "show and tell." According to it's author this rather dramatic change would "make the world a much friendlier place." Scopes was mild in comparison to "the Canadian Way."

In short, certain "nether parts" would no longer be in the "nether regions." But, on her shoulder. Thus making a " pat on the shoulder" an entirely new expression of friendship.

No it is not my idea, and yes it is a just a scoush over the top, but, so long to the cold shoulder.

Other than the rather obvious physical impossibilities and discomforts this could be the ruin of the fashion industry as we know it. Strapless gowns, prom dresses, even mu-mu's relegated to history. 

Amorous young swains touching Homeplate without even getting to first! I tell you, it's not fair! I just knew I was born too early. Damned Canadians!

Dorothy you know who I'm talking about.

Max-ims, again

Organizational skills, or, I know where it used to be...
70 years of accumulate "wealth" into a 360 square foot box, good luck on that!


How did your day start? Mine? I reached into my underwear drawer and then tried to put what I thought was a pair of shorts...not! Tee-shirt, awkward!


RV owners are perceived as old and uncertain drivers. Partly correct, I am certain...get off my road!


"Bean counters" are human too! They may lack in social skills and relevance, but they are human..."sub-human!"

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" SHE said.


This one is beyond my comprehension, "self-analysis"...Hell, most of us don't realize that we snore, or that we bite our nails. If we are that unaware of our physical traits, how can we be expected to analyze our own mental state?


Who you are matters! The rest is window dressing.


Henny Penny: "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"...or was that "talk radio?"
Response: If you were a banker you would never have noticed it!


Measuring up to your parents is a tough proposition and sometimes life just isn't fair. For instance, Mom hears these words from her daughter, "Mom ,I just got a wonderful job at the new "Gentleman's Club." After she finally lands, Mom makes a call and she too gets a job at the same club. There only two slight differences, Mom keeps her clothes on and she makes more money! It isn't fair...but, true!


The "Good Book" teaches tolerance...unless you dare disagree with it!

The good gardener knows

As a gardener I am aware that under each rock that I turn something nasty will scurry away. But, as a voter, I know that all those nasty creatures are searching for the"home rock" in Washington.  Where no one dares turn it over!

It takes a special sort of person to perceive themselves  as superior to each and every person that helped elect them. More able to "properly" conduct someone else's life than that person himself. As a starter, perhaps arrogant, certainly self-centered and most likely affluent...after all over fifty percent of those we elect are millionaires.

Just how does our one vote matter? After all, we can can only choose from what is on the plate and they are either self selected or chosen by the "king makers" in charge. Do any of the people on our platter in the last several elections remind you in any way at all of a truly decent choice as a leader? They all seem to be cast from the same mold of panderers, pimps and moral cowards. Choosing the way of least resistance instead of attempting to correct any obvious failures. CYA is their central mantra, using "party" as subterfuge. Why is compromise tabu? It has always worked before and has a funny way of weeding out the truly absurd aspects of proposed bills. 

When I was younger my opinion was different. I thought that we elected leaders, not despots, petty tyrants, cheats, liars and buffoons. I was young. McCarthy and Nixon came from that era. I was also delusional!

If Cerberus was sitting at the doors of Congress would he be howling at the moon? Or, shaking all of his heads in disgust?
The pols may think of it as a Country Club, but it actually smells much more like an unwashed kennel club!

Perhaps our elected elite should pay more attention to an old Groucho Marx quote; "I wouldn't belong to a club that would have me!"
...and slither or scurry on down the road!

MAX-ims

A top ten quote...#1? From the world renowned philosopher, Popeye..."I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam!

There is a huge fundamental difference between walking...and walking with someone!

Life is an amalgam of what you are taught, what you learn and how you apply it. The sum, should be, more than the total of the parts!

Mix words...mince meat...do not mince words!

Thinking allows your curiosity, knowledge and logic to steep in the same cauldron. Brewing something new.

What I like may affect you. What you like probably will affect me. And, what we like could affect many.

Says an awful lot when the number one reason to return to where you dwell is in your bathroom! That first shower with unlimited hot water, damn that's joy!

I didn't exchange my euros for dollars...think that's a subliminal plot thread?

It has been wonderful reading the beautiful things my friends said about me on Facebook. The best thing about it is that they aren't part of my eulogy!

Beliefs; no thought required.

She has no "off" button and the term "silence is golden" is equally meaningless, sounds like she suffers from Blitherer's Disease!

Quote; "Painting is silent poetry."  Plutarch

How old am I? So old that I remember singers wearing clothes!

Isn't the object of writing to convey your thoughts and express your "self" in the way that you truly feel about yourself?

"It", whatever "it" is...does it matter? Perhaps it isn't a "silver bullet", maybe it won't cure anything but, does it "harm" anything? Does it make you feel better?...then go for it!

Why expend energy on something of little or no import? Do you enjoy aggravation? Why care? Tilting at windmills has never been a successful enterprise. Reflect on the absurd, laugh, smile...the photos will look much better.

Let's return to, how old am I...did a survey here on Facebook to discern the difference between my actual age and my mental age. My daughter did it first and was about 11 years younger than her real age. I was almost fifty years younger...I had not met her Mother yet. There's a problem here...

Teenagers strive to be different and end up conforming to the current in vogue style. As they age they begin to rage about the things or people different than themselves. At best contradictory, but much more likely abjectly intolerant. Return to the youthful concept of acceptance. Anything is better than intolerance. Even a sham.

Fill in the blanks

Here are a few examples;

When you hear "trust me", you think "RUN!"

When you hear "I know", you think "where's the exit?"

When you hear "you must", you think"NOT!"

When you hear "I believe", you think "see ya' !"

When you hear "that's not my vision", you think "the guy can't draw!"

When you hear "that's alI have to say", you think "RIGHTTT!"

Max-ims

White noise...is noise, just prettied up!

I am not a good joiner. Groucho was right, if they would have me, I don't belong!

The "Cloud", the new memory. My head is in the cloud-with my memory! "Get off'a my cloud", I can't afford the extra memory!

What do you do when you know the definition, but the word has escaped?

If your goal is achievement, remember that it is a moving target!

Write or wrong? Every time I write I think that I accomplish both...multi-tasking!

"Never" is a long time, even if never doesn't exist.

"A simple majority..." only if they are "simple!"

When the first words you hear are "I Know", doubt doesn't just creep in...it gallops!

Describe a disbeliever. Don't have to, Rodin did it already. The name of the statue is "The Thinker!"

Why would the GOP be swaying on immigration? To avoid all the undocumented worker scandals.

If it's ok to "stand my ground" with a gun, why can't I use my car?

Small talk

A total misnomer.

As social animals one of the first things we learn is language. Without them we would never have progressed from our primal familial, clan, tribe groupings to the current multi-national, global concept we life with. 

The discovery?,invention?, whatever, of language permitted us to easily convey our thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions from one to another. We have truly progressed from, "See Bear---RUN!" to watch "'dem Bears!"

The term "small talk" was coined somewhere during this evolution. It's a non-starter. Each of us has to be able to communicate with other humans. To say what we think, explain who we are, espouse ideas...in short make friends. That's how it works. We need people, friends, family, loved ones and the first thing for each of us is to reach out and talk. So, just how does the word small fit with the word talk?...doesn't!

Devil's Advocate

In an earlier post I mentioned my youth and how a group of us would spend the evenings discussing and solving all the world's problems. Quite obviously no one paid heed. I doubt our parents had a clue what we were doing, but they were pretty sure we were not causing trouble. For us it was an enjoyable way to blow off steam, enjoy ourselves, at no cost and to learn from each other all at the same time. 

We didn't quibble over the issue, we didn't care. Nor did we always stay aligned the same. Sometimes we would switch points of view mid-stream. It was a fairly important lesson to learn, that there usually more than one or two answers to each question and that most issues intertwined like nests of vipers.

When I enlisted into the Navy the experience of being among guys that thought differently was not a big deal. I had been practicing before. School, work, social we will all be dumbstruck by the quantity of disagreeable folks out there. If only they would listen to me...

Of all the rights assigned to us, the freedom of speech is the one I find the most easily defended. But, I sure wish that the freedom of the press wasn't attached to it. Defending the "rights" of paid media rabble rousers, that pay lip service to the truth  offends me deeply. Sound bites, innuendo and disregard for content or truth can not be the intent of our forefathers when they wrote and instituted the Bill of Rights. It's like watching the news as seen by Orwell! Only it isn't "Big Brother" it's big business. Money for nothing...MTV! Oh well, "That's Entertainment!"

MAX-ims

All men are not equal...my dancing is so bad I couldn't get to watch DWTS!


If you are riding to feel "free", why do you need to ride in packs?

Language may be ever evolving, but why do the illiterate get to choose?


65 degrees...muk-luks and parkas!


My posts depend on my memory...where did I put it?


White is the sum of all colors in the spectrum...black is the absence. So, which one is a natural color?


Cool weather means that some of the early morning walkers are actually moving.


7:15, pre-clock changing and they are out walking. Proving once again that dogs are smarter than humans.


At a certain age, long black hair only proves that you need new glasses...or a new mirror.


What not to wear is gone. How about "Dressing from dumpsters"? 

If you look like a bum, dress like a bum, talk like a bum...wait: "This is Florida!"


Do they make fur-repellent clothing? Yep! I have a cat.